It's quite natural for us to react to discomfort or pain by moving away from it, by fixing, or changing or redirecting our experience. There is nothing wrong with these strategies if done with presence, discernment and intention. However, most of the time, we are not mindful. We skip over the pain and get lost in the story about what we think is going on.
This unconscious conditioning kicks in as a protective mechanism. It pulls us away from being with the unpleasant. But this comes at a high cost: when we avoid meeting the difficult moment, our system is unable to fully absorb and integrate what is actually happening to generate the most appropriate response.
As counter intuitive as it is, meeting a painful experience with interest and tender care (versus skipping over it) offers the empathy and soothing that we are seeking. By noticing and being with what is happening, our system is able to integrate and digest what is difficult. The unpleasant energy actually moves through us and dissolves.
Conversely, avoiding difficulty creates an incompletion in the system, a fragmentation of ourselves. This unpleasantness will continue to resurface to be seen and metabolized. And we will double down in trying to manage it. By trying to avoid pain, we become locked in a perpetual cycle of fear, vigilance and coping strategies to keep things “under control”. This creates and perpetuates the chain of suffering.
So the invitation for this week is to notice difficulty when it arises and “taste” it.
Informal practice:
When difficulty arises, what strategies do you tend to use? Do you burrow in and try to fix/solve it? Do you distract yourself with pleasurable activities? Do you tend to justify, explain or come up with a reason for why this is happening? Or do you reframe the story to see the silver lining? What is your avoidance habit?
Please note: all of these strategies can be skillful when coming from a place of presence versus unconscious conditioning. And presence comes from meeting the difficult moment somatically and emotionally versus cognitively.
Try allowing yourself to stay a little with unpleasantness and difficulty (don’t go over threshold, just “touch” it). Recognize it as painful, and try to be with the experience with interest and tenderness. What happens?
Formal practice: sit everyday for 10 - 20 minutes. Notice where the attention goes. If you end up in obsessive thinking, great! Investigate! What’s underneath the story? Thinking is often a coping strategy that takes us away from experiencing the pain underneath. Drop the question: what is this REALLY about? Don’t try to answer the question (this is not a cognitive exercise) just ask the question to point the attention to what is under the story and then LET GO of needing to know. Notice any body sensations or emotions that arise. Hold space for the energy to move through you.
This exercise creates a pause in the momentum of the thinking and offers an opportunity for us to cultivate curiosity and care. It also reframes thinking during meditation from being a problem to being a delicious opportunity to study our conditioning.